BENEFITS OF A MIDWEST VACATION IN
JANUARY,FEBRUARY AND MARCH
JANUARY,FEBRUARY AND MARCH
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As a Midwesterner, I can assure you that this region of America is the Dream Vacation destination, particularly if you come in January, February, or March. Research analysis in market segmentation for Seniors prove that grandparents who vacation in the Midwest experienced an existential closeness to the elements which they will never forget.
We can promise that a vacation in January, February, or March delivers in the snow category. Mountains of snow await you. As an added bonus, this vacation package offers the vacationer ice -- specifically, ice covering sidewalks, parking lots, and driveways This provides the opportunity for diligent balance activities, and, for an additional fee, dance instructors are available at designated parking lots to teach the rumba, the waltz, and the limbo!
The temperature in most of the Midwest states included in this scenic wonderland will stay constant. We promise!
Constantly, that is, near 0 or below! Vacationers will receive a free gift of an outdoor temperature gauge which is awaiting you in your assigned igloo. The gauge will be a lasting memento of running noses, numb toes and fingers, and even frost bite if you're in for real adventure.
Past travelers have described the cold as brutal, cruel, and inhumane. Truly, this vacation is not you're ordinary "sit on sand beaches, tan in the hot tropical sun, and read at your leisure" kind of boring get-away.
All of you vacation seekers who suffer with arthritis MUST visit this dreamland as the cold, dry air exacerbates nodules and inflammation. You might ask yourself, "Why would I want to do THAT?" Good question! Our medical advisers here in the Midwest have examined the physical and emotional benefits of vacationing here: IT MAKES YOU TOUGH, HEARTY, AND RESILIENT! What woman wouldn't want arthritic hands such as this model's!!!
Lastly, a Midwest vacation in the middle of our brutal winters bring the vacationer a once-in-a-lifetime chance of designer outerwear for your pets! Who wouldn't want to outfit their chic pets in blankets and sweaters like this:
PLEASE LORD, DELIVER US FROM THIS BRUTAL ICE BOX SOON!!!!
At least your sense of humor hasn't frozen! Great post. I've read about the ice hotels that one can spend the night in, but I've never figured out the attraction. Give me a palapa on a beach any day!
ReplyDeleteI grew up in the Midwest... moved to the desert while I was still in my teens.. went back to the snow and ice, thought I wanted to move back there and couldn't do it, even though it is beautiful..out the picture window.
ReplyDeleteWe do have thee hottest summers... Hang in there wild and crazy grandma!