A WOMEN'S COFFEE, NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV, AND FALSE EYELASHES

HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THIS GAME?  YOU ARE GIVEN THREE WORDS (OR GROUPS OF WORDS).  YOUR TASK:  FIND THE LINK OR COMMONALITY AMONG THE THREE WORD GROUPS. 

CHECK OUT THE TITLE OF THIS POST.  WHAT IS THE LINK AMONG THE THREE WORD GROUPS?  THINK YOU HAVE IT??  WANT MORE TIME??  OK, GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER!

WRONG.  TRY AGAIN!

STILL HAVEN'T GOT IT?  OK, I'LL DIVULGE THE ANSWER ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN DYING TO DISCOVER.  THE ANSWER IS ME ATTENDING A COFFEE FOR WOMEN A WEEK AGO WHERE A SPECIAL GUEST WAS ADDRESSING THE TOPIC OF NIKITA KHRUSCHCEV  AND HIS VISIT TO A MIDWESTERN FARM IN 1959.  AND FOR THE OCCASION I DECIDED TO GLUE ON FALSE EYELASHES WHICH I HAVEN'T TRIED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

YES, THE ABOVE RATIONALIZATION DOES MAKE SENSE.  THERE IS "PERFECTO" COMMONALITY.  ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN.....

I WANTED TO LOOK PRETTY.  AND THIS PARTICULAR MORNING, I WAS RUSHING TO GET READY FOR THE PARTY.  I LOCKED WELLINGTON OUT OF THE BATHROOM BUT KEPT WRIGLEY IN WITH ME SO I COULD CATCH HER IF SHE DECIDED TO DO "YOU KNOW WHAT."  I FIXED MY HAIR, PUT ON MY MAKE-UP, AND OPENED THE LINEN CLOSET.....VOILA!  THERE THEY WERE --  SITTING ON THE SHELF FOR 6 MONTHS WITHOUT EVER BEING OPENED.

YES, THEY WERE THE FAKE LASHES.  YOU SEE, IN THE LAST YEAR, MY EYES HAVE BEEN DOIN' SOME MAGIC ON ME, LIKE DISAPPEARING BEHIND MY CHEEK BONES AND SINKING IN THE SUNSET OF THE DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES.  DOGGONE-IT!!  I FIGURED I HAD TO SAVE MY EYES FROM SHRIVELING UP FOREVER.  ONE WEAK MOMENT AT SALLY HANSON'S IN 2010 SEALED MY FATE FOR THIS ONE HISTORICALLY MOMENTOUS DAY.

THE INSTRUCTIONS INDICATED TO SQUEEZE A SLIVER OF GLUE ONTO THE BASE OF THE LASHES AND COUNT TO 30 AS YOU WIGGLED THEM INTO A HORSESHOE SHAPE AND BACK, HORSESHOE SHAPE AND BACK.  (BY THE WAY, THAT WAS CONSIDERED MY EXERCISE FOR THE DAY.....REMEMBER I'M DIETING???)  

MIND YOU, AS SOON AS THE 30 SECONDS WERE UP, I GINGERLY FLOATED THE FIRST LASH WITH GLUE UPON MY RIGHT POINTER FINGER AND WALKED CAREFULLY TO THE TOILET (LID BEING IN THE DOWN POSITION.  I SAT DOWN, BROUGHT THAT POINTER BABY UP TO MY FACE.....*(mailto:%5E&@#^&*)(*&^%$%$###@

The Eyelash was Missing!!!

THE LASH WAS GONE!  I FROZE IN MY TRACKS.  I TRIED TO COME TO AN INTELLECTUAL CONCLUSION AS TO THE PATH OF THE EYELASH CONSIDERING WIND VELOCITY AND DRAFTS.  I MOVED NOT.   SCANTILY CLOTHED, I VIEWED MY BARE SHOULDER AND RIGHT ARM.  NO SIGHT OF THE RIGHT EYE COVERING.  MY EYE FOLLOWED DOWN THE SIDE OF MY BODY, LEG, AND TO MY RIGHT FOOT.  AGAIN, NOT A SIGN.

WOULDN'T YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND AND I HAD PURCHASED MAINLY BLACK TILE FOR OUR BATHROOM?  AT THAT MOMENT, I WAS HORRIBLY REGRETTING THAT DECISION AS I FRANTICALLY HUNTED THE HAIRY VARMINT DOWN.  PERHAPS IT IS STICKING TO THE SIDE OF MY HEAD, I THOUGHT. 

ALL OF A SUDDEN I PROJECTED MYSELF INTO THAT FATEFUL COFFEE TIME WITH PREMIER KHRUSHCHEV'S GHOST  TALKING ABOUT 1959. SITTING AT THE COFFEE TABLE, THE LADY ACROSS FROM ME SOFTLY BUT KINDLY BENDS TOWARDS ME AND WHISPERS, "BARB, YOU HAVE AN ODD HAIRY THING HANGING FROM YOUR NOSE.  I KNEW YOU WOULD WANT TO KNOW AND I WAS SURE YOU WOULD WANT ME TO TELL YOU...."

I QUICKLY CAME BACK TO THE PRESENT, STILL SITTING ON THE WC.  THE BLASTED EYELASH WAS NOT ON MY BODY.  PERHAPS IT WAS STUCK TO WRIGLEY'S FUR!?!?

I RAN AND GRABBED THE MAGNIFYING GLASS AND COMBED THROUGH POOR WRIG'S FUR, AS IF HUNTING DOWN BED BUGS.  NOPE, SHE WAS AS CLEAN AS A WHISTLE.

BECAUSE THE HOUR WAS LATE, I HAD TO RELEASE THE EYELASH TO FATE AND FLY OFF TO THE KHRUSHCHEV COFFEE.  I PRAYED TO THE LORD THAT THE LASH WOULD NOT SHOW UP AT THE COFFEE IN SOME HORRENDOUSLY EMBARRASSING MANNER (LIKE FLOATING IN MY CUP OF COFFEE!).  SO FAR, A WEEK LATER, THE MYSTERY OF THE EPHEMERAL EYELASH STILL LIES IN THE GLOOMY SHADOWS OF THE PAST.