MY BIG BOMB .... CAMP GRANDMA!!!!

                                              THE GREAT COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF!!!


If ya all think everything always goes well for the wild 'n crazy grandma, THINK AGAIN!!!  OK, here's the deal.  Matt and Carey dials me up on the 'ole phone in March of 2008 and says, "Our two poor chillen's  don't have no place to stay while we's go to a Four Seasons Luxury Hotel in Venzuela for several days.  You'n don think ya'll can take care of them poor lit'l ones?????"  Of course, being the confident, all-together woman that I am, I assert, "BRING IT ON!!!!  I'M GONNA GET THESE KIDS STRAIGHTENED OUT THE GOOD OLD FASHIONED WAY!!!  WE IS GONNA HAVE CAMP, LEARN HOW TO LIVE OFF THE LAND!  LEARN HOW TO KILL DEM POSSUM AND COONS.....SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST TECHNIQUES OF WHICH I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTH'N BOUT!!!!

As soon as Lauren and Carter arrive for this structured, disciplined week, I hand them orange "Camp Grandma" shirts, survival bags, and hats for sun protection.  With whistle around my neck, I instruct them to line up behind me and begin marching out to the back yard.  Registration first takes place with Laura Berkner greeting them outside.  We begin our morning work-out accompanied by "Bum, Bum Bum Bum Bumblebee"!  What fun I am having!!!  This is great!!!!  I'm the BEST gramma ever!!!!!

THEN, I LOOK AT THEM CHILDREN'S FACES:  FALLEN COUNTENANCES, TEARS IN EYES, SHOULDERS SLUMPED, AND LAUREN'S NEXT WORDS:  "Grandma, do we HAVE to go to Camp Grandma???"

I think about all the preparation for this FUN week!!!  I start to choke up at the thought of not being able to sing "I Know a Chicken."  And then Grandma's DARK SIDE COMES SLITHERING OUT.....do these kids know how much WORK I've done to make them HAPPY?  Making "Camp Grandma" shirts, bags, collecting songs, preparing the mess hall, for goodness sake?????????????  AND THEN TO THINK THEY'LL NEVER KNOW ABOUT THE AMERICAN RED-BREASTED ROBIN!!!!!!  Now tears come to MY eyes!

Now, y'all, dont ya worry about the wild 'n crazy lady in the "Camp Grandma" shirt.  She done get herself through all dem tears and bawlin.  She sat with her therpist and spilled it all out!!  The grief is past....the future is bright, and she done learn one thing:  SHE AIN'T NEAR AS SMART AS SHE RECKONED HERSELF TO BE!!!