Son James with Will, #11 Grandchild
When you have 12 grandchildren - Harper, Finley, Reese, Will, Noelle, Caroline, Carter, Lauren, Jeremiah, Asher, Reilly, Ashlan -- you have temperaments and personality types all across the spectrum! In all four of these families, it amazes me that kids born of the same parents can differ so much!!! I guess what I said yesterday about us grandmas holds true for these kids of ours --they are all unique! All four families (coming from yours truly) have diverse family dynamics: Jeremy works in insurance in the city of Phoenix, Matt is an installation artist and sculptor, Jay is a bank manager out east where everyone talks funny (we'll take a toe-er of the building instead of tour! Or they wear sneakers instead of tennis shoes!!!), and Steve is in insurance and travels all over the United States (code for we never see him!) Soooo....these grandchildren are as different as night and day! And, I might add, when we are all together (which is rare!) the words to describe the experience are: bedlam, chaos, mass confusion, anarchy, hearing impairment, and catatonic disorder!
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| Big Sister Fin Lovin' on Baby Harper |
As different as these 12 kids are, I have learned how important it is to respect who they are as persons. Each of them is unique, like a hidden treasure. We open up that treasure box to unleash all those valuable jewels, money and gold! But I always remind myself that each treasure box has different hidden wealth. That's what makes being a grandma so interesting, unpredictable, and, yes, challenging!!! I cannot demand that one child fit in the mold of someone he is not! That is part of respect! It is easier to respect adults rather than little ones. Yes, yes, yes...I know that children need to be disciplined, guided and all that. But I am talking about the attitude we have toward children. Do I respect their personhood? The key to respecting a child, in my mind, is to LISTEN to them. Their little minds work faster than they can speak...it takes patience for us to hear what they want to say. And listening takes TIME.
The word "respect," according to the Webster's Dictionary, means "esteem, prize, and to avoid violation." Are my responses to my 12 grandchildren ones that show an attitude of prizing them? Do they feel esteemed when they interact with me? And do my responses ever violate them? Let me give you a recent example of how this can work. I was visiting my daughter last week. Her oldest, Reese, is six years old with the sweetest disposition ever! She came up to me and we hugged (I always greet each of the kids with a hug and kiss purposely to respect their presence when I first see them). We visited and I suggested to her that she write a story for me while her mommy and I talked. About 15 minutes later she ran into the room, smiling and extending her arm, fingers clutching a piece of torn-out, lined notebook paper. "Grandma, here is my story!" Pride was written across her face. I took the priceless story and noticed that under her story was a picture of a little girl with brown hair and blue eyes, dressed in a green slack outfit with a matching green backpack. Here is her story with my parenthetic translation:
Wons (once) tare (there) was a litte (little)
girl name Aliabeth (Elizabeth).
She was going to scool (school). Todaf (today)
it was hre (the) frst (first) day ofe (of)
scool (school). She had so
much fun.
HOW PRECIOUS IS THAT???!!! THIS GIRL IS THE NEXT JANE AUSTEN!!!
I squeezed her, physically communicating my pleasure with her creative endeavor. I told her that was the best ever!!!!
Now, I'm an English teacher. English teachers don't like misspelled words!!! But I would never, never, ever squelch that creativity. Her teachers have a spelling class to teach them how to spell. Please, grandmas....never criticize punctuation or spelling on creative writing. That can wound their creative hearts. Little ones deserve our respect!
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