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A TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER

7/22/1922  -  1/26/2011

THANK YOU, DAD, FOR HELPING FORM WHO I AM TODAY!

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THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY: SPREAD THE LOVE!!!

SPECIAL DAYS

Can you believe the month of February will be here in only four days?  And February always induces in my mind visions of cupids and hearts dancing in the starlight of a romantic, cozy night with my husband!  We humans are created for LOVE!!!


When my husband and I were parenting our four young children, one of our greatest frustrations was trying to be equal in giving out our love and attention.  We found that if we did something special for one child, the others were moping around feeling unloved, forgotten, and in the depths of despair.  Frenetically running around trying to appease four emotional constitutions of varying temperaments is an exhausting endeavor!



We had to utilize our innovative creativity!!  Here's what ended up being one of our most beneficial child-raising concepts:  SPECIAL DAYS!!

                                      SPECIAL DAY PLATE

We assigned each of the four children plus my husband and myself one specific day of the week.  For each child we chose the day of the week on which they were born.  (Obviously, if you have more than seven children or the problem of, let's assume, three kids born on the same day of the week, you will have to adapt to meet your particular needs.)  Jeremy was born on a Wednesday, so his Special Day was Wednesday.  Sarah was born on a Thursday, so every week Thursday was her Special Day, and so on and so forth.

This cycle was honored week in and week out.  The purpose of the tradition was to model giving love and honoring the person whose Special Day it was.   Each night at supper, the Special Person of the day received the above plate.  We asked the kids to show love to the special person in a unique way.  Sometimes Matt would offer to complete Jeremy's chores on Jer's Special Day.  On Sarah's Special Day, for instance, her brothers might write her special notes of encouragement.  I remember one week when Jamie gave his dad his most prized baseball card on Bill's Special Day.  Bill will never forget that act of sacrifice and love from that little guy!

In addition, if Mom or Dad wanted to take Sarah to the ice cream shop on her Special Day, the boys knew their time would come on their Special Day.  It really took the "heat off" of us fearing we would treat one or the other child unfairly.

Our family's Special Day tradition has been a sweet memory of giving love to each other, in addition to solving a stressful parental dilemma!  We are beginning to employ this as grandparents, as well, and our grandkids love it.

Join the February Blog Carnival hosted by the Parenting/Family Channel on About.com.

http://childparenting.about.com/b/2011/01/14/join-our-february-blog-carnival-simple-ways-to-show-love.htm



STORIES WITHIN A GREATER STORY

Saint Valentine

GRANDMAS HAVE SIGNIFICANT IMPACT ON GRANDCHILDREN'S STORIES

We all live in the context of "STORY."  Before we were born, there was a story which preceded us.  For example, our family history:  Grandpa Orval and Uncle Sam born in the 1800's at  the very least affected us physically, if not spiritually.  The story of my family is uniquely my own.   In three weeks families will celebrate Valentines Day!!!  We grandmas help form our grandchildren's stories through these holidays.  And, by the way, when you have 12 grandchildren, a story of POVERTY$$$$ emerges!!  Below items will be placed in a mailer and shipped to Texas, Arizona, Pennsylvania, and here in the Midwest.

Do you know the "story" of Valentine's Day?  Below is the story that all of us grandmas can read to our young'ns!!


    St. Valentine's Story

Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.

Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law!

Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favourite activities was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.

I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."

I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten!

http://www.pictureframes.co.uk/pages/saint_valentine.htm

LOVE CAN BE WILD AND CRAZY

(January 14, 2011)   I am sitting in a hospital room.  The machine rhythmically beeps as Dad's breathing rate accelerates.  He recognizes me and smiles.  He is ashen, uncharacteristically unshaven, grey stubby whiskers I have never seen until now.  Only yesterday i was in Arizona hiking mountains,  How life changes on a dime. 

I take his hand, his eyes weakly open.  He looks at me.  The father who taught school for close to 40 years is now teaching me about wild and crazy love.  I never thought of love being wild and crazy, but I think it is.  I sense a wild* love for my father..  The emotions running through my veins right now are intense.  It seems unfair, wrong to struggle for one simple breath.  My father is almost too weak to breathe.

And an incoherent, ungovernable emotion overwhelms me.  A few hours pass.  It is time for lunch..  The tray of food sits before Dad.  He looks at the food but is too weak to feed himself.  Blisters cover his lips and tongue.  His eyes ask me for assistance and he mumbles something.  I think I hear the words "orange juice."   I feed lunch to my father.  I have never done that before.  It seems strange, but I consider it a privilege. 

I think about wild and crazy love.  Love for my God, love for my husband, love for my children, love for my 12 grandchildren.  This wild and crazy love, however,  comes from a deep hidden place in the soul.  And I await expectantly for God to walk with me through this "valley of the shadow of death." 

*  WEBSTER'S DEFINITION:  WILD:  FULL OF INTENSE, UNGOVERNABLE EMOTION, INCOHERENT

2011 TOP FIVE LIST FOR GRANDMAS

THINGS FOR WHICH WE ARE THANKFUL

#5  The best things about being a grandma are:

• Rocking my new-born grandbaby to sleep
• Reading stores to squirming preschoolers with eager faces who hang onto every word you read to them!
• Listening to my grandkids revealing their worlds to me

#4  The definition of "grandmothering" is.... "allowing GOD

      to love my grandchildren through ME."

#3   Words Grandmas love to hear from their grandkids:

• "Gramma, you're so beautiful," as she rubs her fingers through my hair.
• "Gramma, your macaroni and cheese is the BEST!"  (I use Kraft Mac and Cheese with real butter....NAUGHTY GRANDMA...SHAME ON YOU!)
• "Gramma, pleaseeeeee!  Can I come up and stay overnight at your house, PLEASE?!!!

#2  Grandchildren keep you humble, grounded in reality,   

      psychologically stable!!

• "Grandma, what are those ugly freckles all over your hands??  Ewwwwwww, you have a huge one on your face......YUCK!"
• "Grandma, you have bad breath.  Go get some of Mommy's gum....I don't wanna sit by you!"
• "Grandma, why are my hands smooth and soft and your hands are wrinkly and feel bumpy?"                                

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And now the #1 reason for which I am thankful:

#1: MY FAVORITE PLUMBING FIXTURE IS. . .                  

     THE TOILET!!!

     I am thankful for toilets for a number of reasons.

• They are INSIDE.
• They FLUSH.
• They, unlike outhouses, prevent the stench from becoming a reeking fug.

      Just imagine potty training a 3-yr. old princess through a

      foot of snow en route to the outhouse, teeth chattering in

      the chilling wind and greeting darkness with a lit match

      or candle, only to view a splinter-infested toilet seat. 

      Then, behold, as you pull down her panties before lifting

      her upon the throne, your hand feels soaked underwear

      as she cries, "Gamma, I wet my panties!"

                                                           

                                        

SPENDING TIME WITH MY LONG-DISTANCE ARIZONA GRANDKIDS!

Asher became our granddaughter in 2004 at the age of five.  Jeremy and Kristalee, both single parents, married in November of that year.  Now, at age 11, she's entering in those pre-teen years that can be so confusing to her as well as her parents.  Because I don't get to see her often because of the distance between us, one of my goals was  to spend time with her these two weeks we were in Arizona.  I gotta tell ya, Asher has the coolest room!  Her bed is over her study desk.  I absolutely loved it!  It's a bed loft, in a sense.

We shut the door in her room and I became a school girl myself.  (Well, I WISH!)  But back to reality, we talked about her love of art and writing.  Her teacher is giving her class an art appreciation course so she was giving me all these detailed facts about Miro, Degas, Jackson Polluck, and others.  Because my husband and I collect regional art, we are very interested in the visual arts.  (Our son is a bronze and silicone sculptor as well!)  Hearing a grandchild discussing this with excitement truly tripped my trigger!!  Before long, however, our conversation led to her one favorite piece of art:

Should have known!!  After I wrestled her lips off of Beiber and pulled her back to the life of a pre-teen, she began acting her age!  (I don't know about the weirdo standing next to her, however!)

Our little Jeremiah, or JJ as we affectionately call him, is a five-year-old in constant motion!  You can hardly get your arms around him because he is always moving, most notably in football formations.  He is a football fanatic (along with Carter),  especially the Iowa Hawkeyes!  I personally think he could be the cutest mascot they've ever had!  GO HAWKS!!!!

WHAT ONE SHOULDN'T DO IN ARIZONA :(

A SOUTHWESTERN SHAKESPEAREAN TRAGEDY
A PLAY IN ONE CRUEL ACT

NARRATOR:  Oh hail, thou robust Carnegiea gigantea (or in words of wretched common men, thou bristly miniature saguaro cactus!)  How majestic thou art, with thy arms extending heavenward!  How beautiful, how sweetly innocent, how cute!

                          

                           

HOTTIE HUSBAND:  Come thou forward, crazy woman, my bride!!  Thou wild and crazy grandmother with whom I have born twelve towers of legacy!  WOMAN, helpest thou me move this weighty Carnegiea gigantea to elevated land where sun and warmth, moisture and vibrant winds shall replenish the life therein!  My BRIDE, thou must guardest with all thy might the very life of my joy, my 'wittle baby plant, my horticultural dream.  If thou allowest the least of harm, upon my life I promise thee retribution!
                        

THE SUBMISSIVE WIFE:  I beg thee, master, be patient with me!  My tender arms, my fleshly hands shall guard thy plant, thy eternal hope, thy baby, upon thy dolly!!!

(Aside to Audience) SUBMISSIVE WIFE:  Oh, help me, powers on high....I feel my strength has weakened.  I, standing here, am aging, youth has slipped by, and I have nothing but stretch marks on my womb, wrinkles on the forehead my beloved used to kiss!!!  Thy eyelids have so droooped that I cannot even see the beauty of the day.....WOE IS ME!  But, alas, I must garner my strength that I might steady my beloved's plant!

(Husband strongly places plant on dolly as the nervous, submissive wife dutifully guards with all her might, weak as it may be.......SUDDENLY, plant begins to jiggle and wobble, about to FALL TO DESTRUCTION!  Wife does what should NEVER be done in Arizona!!!!!!

EPILOGUE:  THE SUBMISSIVE WIFE, IN HER SENSE OF DUTY, IS FEELING THE WEIGHT OF HER SUBMISSION EVERY TIME SHE USES HER LEFT HAND.  BUT, THAT SACRIFICE IS WORTH PROVING HER LOVE TO HER BELOVED!

GOOGLING HAS HELPED THE SUBMISSIVE WIFE LEARN THAT USING DUCT TAPE OR WAX WILL PULL OUT THE NEEDLES THAT HAVE EMBEDDED HER SUBMISSIVE HAND.

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THUS, THIS PLAY, THIS TRAGEDY OF ALL TRAGEDIES, HAS COME TO ITS CLOSE.

LET US PAY TRIBUTE TO THE WILD 'N CRAZY GRANDMA FOR THIS SACRIFICE!

HOWDY!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWW !!

I'm telling ya...this Arizona air is giving me a high!!!:)  Another day of hiking and I feel exhilarated, like I'm a new woman!  I'd almost like to trade in my profession (whatever that may be) and become an Arizona cowgirl.  I'd live out in the dessert, have me some wild hawsees, learn how to lasso, go up thar to Wyoming and help drive them herds to heaven knows where! I'd hate to think where those herds actually do go, but that's another post.  WE HAVE A SURVEY TO FINISH!!  I sound like a persnickety teacher, don't I?  Well, my condolences.  Here are question #3 and #4.  (Read previous post to see the first two questions to young moms.)

Question #3:  Do you have any complaints in regard to how your parents or your spouse's parents grandparent your children?

More than one mom stated that they resent grandparents who criticize their form of discipline or take on the role of parents in disciplinary areas.  Usually, the moms explained, it was not a case where the grandparents wanted to teach, instruct the kids as to why their behavior was inappropriate.  Rather, it was that the behavior was simply irritating to the grandparents.

Another "burr in their saddles" was the moms' aversion to "Time Spent" versus "Spending Money to Buy Love."  We all know kids in the end would rather have time than money, as alluring as money is!  In addition, a controlling grandmother was a problem for another mom.  In fact, she shared that this grandmother was described by one of her boys as "the granma who says she is gonna spank us!"  According to Mom, she doesn't put any effort in pursuing a relationship with the boys whatsoever.

Finally, a mom of seven children stated that one of the kids' grandmothers truly cared for the children and fostered a loving relationship with them.  However, because they live a long ways from  them, she never attends the children's graduations, etc,, and the children probably see the grandma only 8 days a year.  This distresses the mother.  On the other side of the family tree, the grandpa is mean, crabby and makes little effort in knowing the kids.

Question #4:  When your children become adults, what do you envision their memories will be of their grandparents?

Time spent chatting, watching movies together, going places together are probably the top activities in response to this last question.  The parents of one of our families were born and grew up in the Netherlands.  The children will always remember trips "across the pond" to see Grandma and Grandpa and all the cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. 

Holiday memories were also mentioned, as well as the homes themselves.  I thought that quite interesting.  Place is significant.  For example, I have had two of our twelve grandchildren ask me if they could buy our house after we are gone.  The Suzee Room (see previous blog) is hopefully going to be a very happy memory for my kids!

In conclusion, the cooking expertise of a couple of grandmas here will be remembered for those great meals when they were just tots.  Also, the aforementioned "Camp Chaos" will be remembered by the kids of another family interviewed.  Can you imagine what happens at a camp in Colorado with 9 kids and no parents???  I bet they'll have stories for all eternity!

YOUNG MOMS TALK TO ME ABOUT THEIR KIDS' GRANDPARENTS

Lately, I have been somewhat pensive and philosophical about how high my marks REALLY are in grandparenting.  I have nervously imagined hearing a knock on my door and opening it to find the disguised undercover CEO of  "Greatest Grandparents International."  Would he dump me or love me as one of his employees???? 

To research this more clearly,  I decided to survey a number of young moms about their children's grandparents.  I gave them four questions.  The answers below are summaries of all the women.  This project has helped me clarify some things I am doing well, and others that I need to work on.

Question #1:  For your children's sake, what one quality of grandparenting is most important to you?

There seemed to be a common thread running through the answer to this question.  And that common thread was love for the grandchildren, including kindness towards them.  One mom stressed her desire that grandparents enter her child's world, which assumes that the grandparent loves that particular child just as he is.  And that grandma and grandpa know the likes and dislikes of each individual personality.  Obviously, this demands consistent communication which these mothers believe is the grandparents' responsibility to intitiate.  Another mom voiced her desire for grandparents to leave a spiritual legacy with their grandchildren, passing on the positive character traits associated with the their faith. 

Another non-negotiable was TIME.  Time spent with grandchildren "covers a multitude of sins."  Actually the Bible verse in Proverbs reads " Love covers a multitude of sins."  I think you get the point.  Time spent in a child's eye proves to them that grandma and grandpa truly care about who they are as human beings.

Question #2:  What do your children enjoy most about their two grandmothers?

The answers to this question were widely varied, but most of the answers demanded time spent.  Some saw creative play and going  places, taking trips as important factors in their children's hearts and minds.  One mom stated that her seven children enjoyed one of their grandma's  crazy sense of humor, as well as her investing a sincere interest in each of their individual lives.  Another mom related the yearly event that one of their grandmas offer: CAMP CHAOS.  This camp is located in the granmother's home state of Colorado and attracts all nine grandchildren and NO PARENTS.  God bless that grandma's soul!!!! 

Another grandmother prefers to cook for the children, cooking their favorite foods for a special meal time.  Although this grandma doesn't really "do" anything with the children, her language of love is in preparing this special meal. 

Tomorrow we will look at question #3 and #4.  Right now I am planning on spending the rest of this evening with my love.....Bill, with whom I've been married 40 years, 8 months!  We shared a wonderful meal together down here in Arizona after a day of hiking in the mountains at Cave Creek.  Look forward to talking to "YA'LL" tomorrow!

NEW PHENOMENON: ATTITUDE GLASSES

SHOULD GRANDMAS SUPPORT THIS LATEST FAD?



All right, grandmas everywhere, I will admit that the craze of "attitude glasses" is a controversial subject.  Parents have enough behavioral problems starting in those pre-teen years and even younger.  There is nothing more distasteful as kids rolling their eyes when asked to make their beds, help pick up the dishes, or get off the couch.  Hey, but look at that adorable little boy Carter David and those monstrous attitude glasses.  Ain't he jus plentifully adorable?  And does he look like the kind of kid who would punch ya in the tummy if you offered him your freshly baked chocolate chip cookies???  NOT!

Because I am a woman of truth,  this is the place in the story where I must make a personal confession to all my readers.  Go fetch your reading spectacles, sit down and brace yourself.  I BOUGHT LAUREN A PAIR OF "ATTITUDE" GLASSES FOR CHRISTMAS.  I EVEN BOUGHT A PAIR FOR MYSELF!

Here's my take on all of this.  If kids ask for attitude glasses for Christmas, give them a pair to "play" having an attitude.  They will see "attitudes" as something that exists in their play world, not real life.  Then as they grow older, they will find having an attitude simply boring having already practiced "attitudes" in their play experience, and they will leave bad attitudes behind to discover other more interesting endeavors!.

Whew!  After getting all the "yucky stuff" out, Lauren and the wild 'n crazy grandma were the sweetest perdiest litt'l things you ever done seen.  We both agreed that we would never want to be like this in real life!!!  (Just ask Lauren's mommy!)



TREASURE THE GIFT OF LIFE!!!

December was a crazy month of ups-and-downs!!!  The death of our friend, the stress of the holidays, medical issues, and my eldest son's critical surgery was enough to put the wild and crazy grandma UNDER!!!  Thank my Lord for His strength and love to keep me from falling apart.

There are many ways to be refreshed.  Some read books (that's me), others go into denial, some reach out to friends and are truly "refueled,"  but below was God's prescription for me:

                       GOD'S RX FOR GRANDMA!!!

The symptoms:  overly stressed, blubberly butt, and limited exercise - hand to mouth, hand to mouth, and grouchiness.  Boy, the Lord knew -- ARIZONA was what Grandma needed to get back in shape!!!  So here am I with my hubby in sunny Arizona, with temperatures averaging low to mid-60's.  I'll take that.

              Our Family Thanks God for Jeremy's Life!!

Remember the critical surgery that I mentioned?  This is my eldest son Jeremy.  Do you know what a blessing it is to see this picture with him able to stand up, able to move his arms, able to swallow??  I realize that we take life soooooo for granted!!  Mid-December he was having difficulty walking, writing and other issues that indicated he was experiencing spinal impingement.  The doctors felt like they needed to operate immediately to prevent paralysis in his upper extremities.  He is the daddy of four of my grandchildren. 

This put our whole family in turmoil.  WOW, did all of us get on our knees and cry out to God?  YOU BET WE DID!!  Because his wife had to attend her uncle's funeral in another state, Jeremy presently is staying with us.  In beautiful Arizona, Bill and I are nursing him back to health.  It seems that since the surgery, Jeremy has a different perspective on his 38 years of life.  He told us:  "It is true that most of us, if not all, take life for granted.  After going through this experience, I can say that I have a deeper God-given appreciation for this wonderful life with which He has blessed us all."  And folks, what more can I say?

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS - TRIBUTE TO AN ANGEL?

One month ago, I looked out of my kitchen window and saw a small, thin woman opening the door of her car sitting in the driveway of our small blue gingerbread rental house across the street.  Her blond hair pulled back in a low pony tail, she appeared to be a woman in her mid-thirties.  Two children emerged from the car after her, a girl 10 years of age and her brother, 11.  A nice family, I remember thinking. 
                                                                                                                                                    
In our 25 years of living in our home, we have seen numerous people come and go in that special little blue gingerbread house across the street.  It is as if God used these tenants to bless my husband and me.  For example, I remember Vivian, a single mom who sought refuge in that house after her husband tried to shoot her.  The little house became  the house of safety.  Another memory involved a  Laotian couple who lived there for a couple years and with whom we became good friends..  In fact, we just talked with Ching Kham a few days ago.  He called to wish us a "Merry Christmas!" 


In actuality, the structure of the little blue gingerbread house is not level, the plaster on some of the walls is peeling off.  The kitchen is too small to fit in a kitchen table!  But it is cozy!!!  When my husband showed (we'll call her) Angel the house, she loved it.  She saw all the creative potential it would offer her and her adorable children.


I have to share this part of the story with you.  I first met the children when my husband sent them across the street to our house to use our facilities.  I can't explain this other than to say I felt a spiritual bond with these two precious kids.  They had such delightful spirits and radiant faces.  I decided I could easily be an adoptive grandma to these two!


Angel brought no furniture.  We offered her various options for furniture but in her sweet way diverted the conversation to another subject.  She had a history of serious physical problems.  All her close-knit family was thousands of miles away in another state.  But the father of her children  happened to live in our small town.  It was best if children had both parents nearby, she explained to me.  She also shared with me that she felt the pace of life in our part of the country was better suited for raising kids than in a crime-ridden, highly populated metropolis.


After about a month of living in the small blue gingerbread house, I noticed there were no lights on for five or six days.  Her car was still in the driveway.  I did not see the kids out in the yard.  So I called her, inviting her to dinner that next week.  To my surprise, she informed me she had been ambulanced away to a hospital about an hour away from us.  She mentioned she would be released that next day.  I offered to pick up her.  She graciously accepted.  The ride home with Angel was memorable, sweet, and a conversation I will never forget.  The sweet spirit she exuded and the love she expressed for her children....it  was precious.


5 days later, Angel died, at an alarming young age.  Her life-giving organs gave out. 


 In a few days I will be attending Angel's memorial service.  Why did God bring this special young woman into my life?  I cannot answer that question.  But I am pretty sure Angel knew what was about to happen.  And she  had a plan to take care of her beloved children.  What love and sacrifice!  And maybe, just maybe, God will enable me to be a surrogate grandma to those two darling children.